Accountability partners. Seems like they have been the IT thing for as long as I can remember. It always seems to be a man thing to. I dont remember them being stressed among womens ministries, but perhaps they are. I always disliked them. Not that they arent or cant be helpful to some, but for me it just seemed like a bandaid instead of a solution. It always felt like i was being told that i was incapable of doing the right thing unless there was someone to babysit me, or without the fear of having to confess all my wrongdoing to someone i would be running amok. Thing is, i want to do the right thing because its right. I dont want to be shamed into doing right. That isnt genuine. Its fake righteousness to me. I know when ive done wrong. I dont need to tell someone about it and have them guilt trip me before i realize ive made a mistake. i guess i just dont see the point. Maybe the thought of having to come clean is supposed to make me think twice about doing whatever i was going to do. For me it doesnt work. i never have been able to figure out why some ministers make it seem like you arent doing every thing you can to live right if you dont have an accountability partner.
One of the big things now is computer software for men that blocks many adult sites, and sends periodical reports of websites visited. Well thats great, but again, its a bandaid. If you want to look at porn bad enough, youre going to do it. The computer software is great, but do you have software on your iphone that does that too? What about someone who follows you around to report everywhere you go, and let someone know if you went to an adult bookstore or strip club? Perhaps a chip in your head that reports every lustful thought you have to your wife and pastor?
John Mayer put on Twitter the other day that there’s a new virus going around. It collects all the porn sites that you’ve visited and sends them to your mother.
I thought it was funny.
I agree. If you want it bad enough, software won’t stop. I’ve got a friend (and I really mean a friend, not myself) that put all the safe guards possible in place, and it still wasn’t enough. There’s always a loop hole, and given enough time, any lustful man will find it.
Overall I believe the sort of accountability you are talking about is unhelpful for the long haul. You are right: it is sort of a cop mentality. That really doesn’t bring about lasting change. It might be helpful for the person coming right out of compulsive and harmful porn use, but not a long-term solution.
However, I believe Biblical accountability is when others in the body of Christ are there to help me get to the bottom of my sins, people to whom I can confess the state of my heart, my motives, and my deeper, underlying issues. This I believe is the lifestyle of James 5 and 1st John 1 – an confessional culture in the church that promotes mutual prayer, genuine fellowship, and healing.
I work for one of those accountability software companies you mentioned. As software goes, its does the job. Its a great first step for anyone to take who wants to find lasting freedom, but it must go deeper than written reports. Around the office here we call it placebo accountability: as long as I know someone is watching me somewhere and might call me out on things, I will stay away from looking at bad stuff. Does it “work”? Yes. But the Christian life is more than staying away from smut: its about God changing us from the inside out because we’ve been captured by greater affections.
Good thoughts. Thanks!
as iron sharpens iron, let one man sharpen another.
if that’s not happening, we are doing accountability wrong.